Hmm, well who could possibly have guessed that an R-rated fairy tale would take the box office? Despite an overall unwelcoming plot, and even discouraging premise, Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters comes off as an Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter type with mostly the same title and style, only the former has Jeremy Renner.

That’s probably what made all the difference. And any parent who accidentally allowed their kid here offered up some nudity and a hell of a lot of blood on a silver platter to them. It’s like Scorsese’s fairy tale, which I suppose is much closer to the actual fairy tales as opposed to Grimm’s watered down version.

In Ashenputtel, the German version of Cinderella, or it may have been the Russian version whose titular name I forgot, one of the evil sisters actually cuts her heel off to try to make the missing shoe fit. Pretty dark. But regardless, I don’t think it speaks for how great Hansel and Gretel is that it took the top of the box office, so much as it speaks for how terrible Movie 43 is. These aren’t people that need money, folks.

Perhaps the celebrities involved with Movie 43 were intrigued by the mere concept of willingly involving themselves in something so stupid it’d be funny, like coming together to make a so-bad-it’s-good movie, but in the end, it’s just plain bad. Meanwhile, I’ve said my dues about Parker, Jason Statham’s latest action rehash, and all it does is make me long for a Crank 3. At least that film might take some risks or be so over-the-top it could potentially become a guilty pleasure, like the two preceding installments.

Next weekend, you can bet on Warm Bodies to take the gold. If you’re wondering how Stallone’s latest will do, it will probably perform around as well as The Last Stand. These guys can’t let go of the 80’s. It does help the former that Valentine’s Day is coming up, and it’s a romance for all the zombie fans alike out there.

Weekend Results

1.) Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (Par.): Opening weekend, with $19 million.

2.) Mama (Universal): Second weekend, with $12.8 million.

3.) Silver Linings Playbook (Weinstein): Eleventh weekend, with $10 million.

4.) Zero Dark Thirty (Sony): Sixth weekend, with $9.8 million.

5.) Parker (FD): Opening weekend, with $7 million.


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